“I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.”
Gym Chick at Target
I was shopping at Target on Sunday, had been there in a while and didn’t see any good sets. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a girl walking, and then I looked at her. I realized I had seen her at the gym the day before, but she wasn’t a regular. I had to go over and talk to her – I am not one to approach at the gym since I go a lot, but seeing someone in a store I thought was fair game. I approached and said I knew her from somewhere, she didn’t seem know, but once I said the gym maybe she remembered me, which was a good sign. Chat was pretty good with good jokes and spikes, and she said “Why not?” when I asked for her number so we can go for a drink. I felt like it wasn’t my best game, but good enough to get her number, and we ended up going on a few dates actually. I had another approach shortly after while I was still on a high, and that went nowhere.
A couple days later, I was at the grocery store after a good session at the gym. I had a quick chat with one of my neighbors who I saw there, and right after I did that I saw a cute black chick standing by the toothpaste. I opened indirectly this time about toothpaste, and I realized she was on the phone through her headphones when I opened. You know what she did? She said “Hey mom I will call you right back” and talked to me! I was thinking to myself this is great, she is totally into you. Teasing and conversation flew naturally, she was asking me a decent amount of question and investing a lot, even asked me where I live. Number close was easy, and I walked away thinking “Damn, she hung up on her mom to talk to me, this is crazy!”
Shortly after that, I saw a cute slim blonde girl. I made a comment about her tattoo and she said thanks, then we started a conversation. She was very dreamy and said her tattoo represents space, which was a bit weird and I teased her for it. She was one of those girls who asked for my number when I asked for a drink, but my frame was strong enough to get her number after that. Convo wasn’t too strong so I thought she would flake, but she actually did text back for a bit, she was super flaky though and anytime I tried to get her out she would have an excuse. I moved on to other girls, don’t have time to waste!
Below are the stats at this stage of the 100 approach challenge. If you remember my last field report, you know that I had gotten only 3 numbers from my first 42 approaches. Well, here I got 3 in 4. Daygame is super random – those 4 sets weren’t really my best, but sometimes a girl is into you and will give you her number even if you mess up a few things as long as your intent is there. So if you’re going through a tough time, keep approaching and that will change!
It is failure that guides evolution; perfection provides no incentive for improvement, and nothing is perfect.
“I’d rather not!”
I was at shopping at Target after work one day, and as I was on my way out I saw a cute chick in the cosmetics section. I had to turn around and go talk to her, so I opened her direct – “Excuse me, I thought you look nice so I had to come say hi!” She looked at me, said “I’d rather not!” in a pained tone, and turned her back on me. Alright, alright, alright! It felt rough as I was walking away at that moment, but I have since learned that quick rejections like that are actually great once you kill your ego – if you think about it, it shows you right away that she is not interested in you, so you don’t waste your time. Quick rejections let you move on from incompatible girls, and you have more time to find the girls that are interested in you. Learn to embrace and love rejection!
The saleswomen who stared at me
I did a couple of sets where I thought I would experiment and go indirect, and both went pretty bad – I didn’t show enough intent so the conversations were too friendly. I moved back into my direct openers and had better conversations and success, and then I was walking out of a store at the mall after talking to a girl. The girls at a jewelry store were noticed by my peripheral vision – I turned to the side and noticed all three were staring at me and waved at me when I turned around! I walked a couple of steps and realized I have to go back and say hi to them in the store. The older one of the three hit on me right away, and then they asked where I was from – I made sure to make each of them guess and tease them when they guessed wrong. One of the girls left with a smile, so I assumed that she was taken. Then the older chick asked me what I am doing tomorrow and said “She’s free”, pointed to her coworker and left! I was taken back a bit, but I was able to control myself and talk a bit to Kayla, found out she was 23 and of Latina origin. Getting the number here was effortless, as she was typing it in my phone the other two started to come back, but noticed we were still chatting, smiled and waited for me to leave so they go back to Kayla. I was shocked as I walked out of the store – did this really happen? I was pleased I had the balls to walk into the store when I noticed they were into me, before doing daygame I doubt I would have had the confidence to do that.
The girl with her mom, and the girl with a boyfriend
On another day, I was at a department store after work, wearing one of my favorite dress shirts. A cute girl walked by me and smiled, I returned the smile – I had to turn around and chat her up! I noticed her walking to her mom, but I had to approach since she looked even better from the back, so I took a deep breath and walked over there, made sure to acknowledge her mom too, and told the girl she looks nice. The mom smiled at that, and the girl actually turned red and was at a loss of words! I talked for a bit and then found out the girl is 17, which made me excuse myself and tell them to have a good day. The mom seemed super cool, while I knew her daughter was into me – she could barely say a few words when I was around, and if she wasn’t so young I would have tried to get her number. I noticed her looking back at me when they were leaving the store – what a shy girl!
Almost right after that happened, I was at my grocery store stocking up on a few things I would need for a new recipe I was trying out. As I was walking around, I noticed a girl with blue eyes make eye contact, so I had to go towards her. She disappeared down an aisle but when I saw her again, she looked back at me again so I thought I needed to approach. She returned the compliment as soon as I went direct – first time that’s happened to me! She immediately said she has a boyfriend, but kept talking to me and flirting. I took that as a good sign and asked for her number, and I kid you not she stood there sighing and wondering for a good few seconds – I found it amusing and had a smirk on my face. At the end she was able to resist herself, but it was obvious she was into me.
Below are the stats at this stage of the 100 approach challenge. As you can see, I had to talk to 14 girls to get 1 number at this stage of the game. I was getting interest and eye contact from a lot of girls and I felt like I had to have more numbers based on that, especially since I had a couple of girls basically give me their numbers. Quite a few good interactions didn’t end in number closes due to the girl having a boyfriend/husband, so I felt like I was doing better than the numbers were showing. It took me 42 approaches to get 3 numbers. And as you will see in my next field report, I was about to get the next 3 numbers a lot quicker!
Seeing much, suffering much, and studying much, are the three pillars of learning.
Showing Balls To Approach a Hottie
I was at my local grocery store when I saw what was probably the sexiest girl since I started approaching. She was blonde, great body with curves in all the right places. Surprisingly, I went up to her right away and delivered my direct opener – “Excuse me, I thought you look amazing so I had to come say hi!” She asked me how I was, and that is where I started to show my nervousness – I didn’t deliver my answer with much intent or confidence. Shortly after, she said she was in a hurry, and I let her go without asking for a number – going through some of these earlier field reports, I can definitely see where I have improved. I could have made this set a lot better by playfully vibing, stacking and having better body language. Still, approaching such a hot girl so directly felt good! Remember to always assume attraction and make observations!
Some Two Sets
Up to this point, I had only approached girls who were by themselves – my approach anxiety made it hard to even approach those, let alone approach a group of two. However, as I was walking into the mall, I felt in a good mood and told myself to approach two sets if I saw any that looked good. I saw an Asian girl inside a store with her mother, and as I was walking by she looked at me. I went for it and approached her right there – she seemed shocked! I didn’t do a good enough job of engaging with her mother as well, so she stood on the side as I talked to the girl – rookie mistake, but all of us have to go through those. She smiled when I asked her for a drink, but said she was engaged. As I walked away, the mother said something that I couldn’t quite hear – probably how weird I was or how big my balls were, maybe a mix of both!
Shortly after, I saw two girls too late as they passed by me – one of them was smoking hot with a tattoo on her arm. I had to approach her! I turned around and was able to catch up to them inside a store – I walked towards them nervously and delivered my direct opener to the girl with the tat while her friend was right there next to her. Both of them smiled, then my target said thanks… and walked away! At the time, this felt tough, but I know rejections like this have done a lot to thicken my skin and make me better at approaching – getting rejected in a harsher way is better for you in the long-term.
A familiar face, and a salesgirl
If you have read my field report about the first day I ever approached, you probably remember the Latina who was my first ever daygame cold approach. Well, I ran into her on this trip to the mall as well. I had thought about it after the initial approach, and felt that she might have been into me – I should have went for the number! So when I saw her again working, I had to go talk to her again, and she remembered me. We had a quick chat and I showed intent this time – I was definitely getting more comfortable talking to random chicks and escalating! She made an excuse about how she works all the time, and I followed up with saying that I am sure she can find some time if she wanted to. She didn’t seem too interested in me, so I walked away and felt good – I didn’t let her bullshit me too much when I saw she wasn’t too into me.
As I was walking out of the mall, I saw a cute little salesgirl that smiled at me when I was walking in, and she pointed me towards the men’s department. I remembered thinking that she might have been interested in me by the way she kept eye contact when we chatted on that initial interaction, so I decided to chat her up and see where it goes -I had no luck up to this point, so I figured it was worth a shot. After a brief chat and discussing her tattoos, the chat moved towards my accent, and when she learned that I was new-ish to the area she offered to take me out and show me around! My sixth sense was right, she was into me – she did mention her boyfriend as she was writing down her number on a piece of paper for me, so that was a first experience for me. The chat continued about places she had lived in the US and how different they were compared to the Midwest, and then I was on my way. Not a bad way to finish off a day approaching!
A Kazakh girl
I was in my local grocery store again after a hard session at the gym – I saw a cute girl looking at sushi and immediately approached, almost no approach anxiety this time, I was so happy! Tatiana was super happy I approached, she was surprised but very friendly. She was 23 and asked a lot of questions about me early on, she seemed surprised when she learned I was European as well – the set was going super well… until she mentioned she was married when I asked for her number. Even though I didn’t get her number, she liked it and waved at me as I saw her walk by me later on while I was shopping, so this approach helped me get my confidence up a lot, and made me realize that some girls love being chatted up in a confident way.
Below are the stats at this stage of the 100 approach challenge. As you can see, even though it felt like I was improving with each set I did and my approach anxiety was less and less, I still was doing a lot of things wrong, and didn’t make too many connections – my sets were also pretty short, and I was having trouble following up on the direct opener. The numbers definitely showed that I was having a rough time, I am not a quitter though!
He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying.
Opening Two Sisters
After my horrible approach anxiety during my first day approaching (you can read about it here), I didn’t know exactly what to expect. The next day, I went to another mall in the area and walked around, it seemed dead. However, with the corner of my eye I saw a girl with a nice ass walk into a store, and I walked in without much hesitation. I looked around and saw the girl I had noticed, she was with another girl who didn’t look as good as her. As I looked at her, I saw she did check me out a couple of times as well. My approach anxiety was there, but it wasn’t as high as the day before. It still took me a bit of time to approach, and I went with an indirect opener on the two of them, improvising a bit. I mentioned that I need help choosing a shirt for a friend’s birthday as I stared way too hard at the shirts in that store. Both of them engaged right away and gave me some suggestions, and after a couple of minutes of this I took the conversation into more personal topics. The hot one with the nice ass said she leaving to go back to California tomorrow, and was just visiting her sister… Fuck! At that point, I looked at her sister and realized she looked decent, but nowhere near as hot. I asked the sister for a drink, and at that point she informed me she was underage. Double fuck! As I was departing, both of them told me to have a good day, and the hotter one did smile at me, I was sure she liked me. Knowing what I know now, I could have handled that better, but walking away from that set at that point felt like a huge win for me – I had approached two girls and talked with them for a bit, definitely helped with my approach anxiety!
The First Number
I did approach a thicker girl who seemed to have a nice ass at the bookstore, only for her to tell me “No, thank you!” when I asked her for a drink. Before the approach, in my mind I was doing her a favor by approaching, given that she was a bit thicker than I usually like them. Game is fun, isn’t it? I also had a fun experience after the gym at a store when my pre-workout combined with my high testosterone from the gym and my approach anxiety made me super nervous and awkward when I approached a blonde with a country accent, she was married so the set didn’t last long, but I felt like my heart was about to explode.
And then, it happened – I got my first number from daygame. I approached an Asian chick at the grocery store, she smiled at my direct opener and we chatted for a bit. When I asked for her number she made an interesting face and said “Sure”. Of course, she proceeded to ghost me, and as I gain more experience I am not surprised – it was a pretty weak set without much going on, and I didn’t do a good job of making her interested. At the time though, the high felt amazing – I had proven to myself I could approach and get numbers!
I did do a few more approaches, but none that really stand out. I had a girl at the bookstore tell me she had a boyfriend right as I opened, then continue to ask me questions about my accent. The approach anxiety made it so that I wasn’t the one driving the conversation, so the whole set ended up being weird. I also tried approaching a girl who worked at the mall in a booth, she didn’t seem interested in chatting with me, only in selling me cologne.
Here are the stats at this stage of the 100 approach challenge:
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
The time had finally come: after much reading and preparation, I had finally decided to do the 100 approach challenge as I talk about here. I decided the best place to approach in my area was the mall, and at the time I had decided to follow Roosh’s advice of only opening girls who are by themselves. I was a bit nervous before I got to the mall, but I reminded myself that I am in great shape, I had just gotten promoted at work, and I had a pretty high n-count for my age for a guy who hasn’t done cold approach seriously. All of that led me to believe that I could easily walk in the mall, do 10-15-20 approaches, get a few numbers, and head home happy. Boy, was I in for a rude awakening.
I walked into the mall, and immediately felt overwhelmed. There were a lot of people there, and I could suddenly hear noises I had never heard inside any mall before. My approach anxiety made it so that I was aware of everything that was going on both inside my head and around the mall, which as you can probably tell wasn’t fun at all. After a bit, I saw a girl walking towards me – she was cute. “There is your first approach!” – my brain told me. However, my brain also overwhelmed me with many other feelings, and I just looked at the girl nervously as she passed me by, not really aware of what had just happened. As she walked by, I realized that I had missed my chance, and that made me even more nervous. Then the fun continued – I started to ask myself why despite previous successes with women, I was feeling so scared of just talking to them. I continued walking – I saw a cute brunette sitting at a table. Perfect opportunity to open – weaseled out of it the same way I did before. Fuck!
I continued to walk around nervously, being way too much inside my head. I saw a girl who was working right outside a store, she looked Latina. She was handing people flyers as they walked by, and she made eye contact with me. I held it and then continued walking around. She was cute. “Approach” was the message from my brain. I didn’t do it right away. I stepped inside a store and the girl was telling me she likes my shoes. She offered some politeness my way, told me about the sale they had, and told me to let her know if I have any questions. I was starting to calm down a little and my nerves weren’t as bad as they were when I had started walking around, but I still needed to catch my breath and thoughts. I went to the restroom and hyped myself up a bit, then went straight out by the Latina handing out flyers, stopped and opened my mouth.
I wanted to start approaching directly, but I didn’t do that with her. I said something about what she was doing. She made small talk and we chatted for a second, she told me she had just gotten to America two weeks ago. She did check out my body as we were talking, which gave me a sudden boost of confidence! My eye contact was definitely not strong, and I stumbled my words. After a bit, she told me she can’t talk much because her boss is right there, and sure enough I saw a guy to the right of me. Being so nervous, I just said OK and walked away without asking for a number. After that first approach, I felt better for a bit, but then as I walking around, I kept letting girls walk by me while making excuses – “looks busy”, “walking too quick”, “wouldn’t be interested”. My mind was literally making any excuse to not talk to cute women.
After a while, I checked the time and realized I had been at the mall for two hours. Two hours – one approach… I felt so disappointed in myself. Then I decided I would man up and approach next girl I see directly, no matter what. And sure enough, a few minutes later I saw a dark skinned girl in yoga pants walk towards me. I took a deep breath and said “Excuse me!” She turned and looked towards me, and I delivered my very first direct opener! I told her I was looking to meet new people shortly after the opener, and she said “I am not too friendly, you should find someone else”. Great! I was able to talk to her for a bit more after that surprisingly – she was from India and was going to school. My body language and eye contact got weaker the more we talked, and after a couple of minutes she said she has to go meet her friend. Did I ask for her number? Definitely not, my brain took a while to process her leaving and by the time I thought of it, she had walked away. I felt a bit proud that I had done my first direct stop, but I knew I had a long way to go. Cold approaching felt like the hardest thing I had to do in ages! Later, as I was walking by a store, I saw the same Indian girl checking out inside. By herself. Nice! At that point, I decided to leave. I had been there for a few hours, but approach anxiety made me feel so many emotions at once I felt like I had been there for days. I was mentally exhausted.
So there you have it. My first day trying daygame cold approaches – I went out hyped up to do 15-20 approaches, and I did… 2. No matter all the challenges, I felt glad I had started approaching once I got home. I felt alive during my time at the mall, I felt emotions jumbled up inside me that I hadn’t felt in a while. Despite my weak start, I was determined to try again the next day and do more approaches. So if you are in the same position I was during my first day and are overwhelmed with approach anxiety, remember: just keep approaching and it will get better. In closing, I would like to mention that I wanted to detail my first day approaching with as much detail as possible so readers can get the feel of it, despite only doing two approaches. Future field reports I post will be more focused on the approaches themselves, and I won’t go over every approach I did, only the ones that are noteworthy.
Progress is not an illusion; it happens, but it is slow and invariably disappointing.
— George Orwell
Over the last few months, I have been going out and doing daygame approaches. Here are the ten things I learned from my first 200 cold approaches:
Direct approaches work the best
As I talked about in my About Me page, the first book I read when I got serious about cold approaching was Roosh’s Day Bang. In the book, Roosh recommends an indirect approach where you open with a question (he recommends different questions based on the environment), and then start chatting from there. When I started my 100 approach challenge, I decided to do direct openers in order to help with approach anxiety. What I discovered was that direct approaches were much more effective when I was able to handle my approach anxiety better and be more confident when opening. Whenever I would open indirect I would have trouble making a man to woman connection, and often times the girl would excuse herself and leave before I could get a chance to make a direct statement of interest. In fact, I found direct openers so effective that they are pretty much the only opener I use now that I have more confidence in my cold approaching skills. I also discovered the London Daygame Model after doing around 100 or so direct approaches, and have used it to refine my direct cold approaching method. If you haven’t approached direct, give it a shot – you will love how effective it is!
You can approach women anywhere
When I first started doing cold approach, I picked a couple of spots that Roosh mentioned in Day Bang such as the mall and grocery store and tried approaching there. However, most of the guys that run the London Daygame Model approach exclusively on the street. There is one problem for me with that approach: there just isn’t a street here that gets enough foot traffic for me to have enough targets. When I lived in Europe (and when I go back to visit family now), there are plenty of spots downtown that are great for cold approaching. But here in America? Unless you live in a city like NYC/Chicago/LA, you will have to find other venues to approach. Don’t get me wrong – I have done street approaches when I go to popular spots downtown and still do it from time to time. However, I have found out that you can approach women pretty much anywhere during the day – the mall, grocery stores, department stores, the bookstore, you name it. Some of the spots I have found most successful for me are malls, outdoor malls, grocery stores (goldmine), and department stores. And if you live on a college campus, take advantage of it and approach all the hotties you see walking around!
Daygame cold approaching is hard
Most guys meet women through their social circle. They also don’t hit on strange women unless they are at a bar or a club and have already had a few drinks with their buddies. At that point, everyone thinks they are a pickup artist and can seduce any women they want. But approach hot girls consistently while sober during the daytime, whenever they see a girl they like? Most guys have never or almost never done it. And you know what? After doing 200 daygame approaches, I know why. My first cold approaches were awkward. I had approach anxiety, I was nervous, my heart was beating fast, and my emotions were overwhelming me, making it harder to focus on actually making the approach fun and engaging for both of us. It took me a while to even decide to approach when I first started out, and I missed talking to so many girls just because of my approach anxiety. But it does get better with time. Daygame is super hard at first and that is why men either don’t try it, or try it and struggle so much that they quit almost right away. Here’s the reward of daygame if you stick with it, though – once you have done enough sets, you will be able to walk up to a woman anytime, anywhere and meet her confidently. Without needing a friend to introduce you, without needing alcohol, without needing anything except yourself. That’s pretty powerful!
London Daygame Model works
After I had done about 100 approaches or so, I found out about the London Daygame Model. As I mentioned in my About Me page, I started off my approaches by following GoodLookingLoser’s guide to just walk up to girls, say they are cute and go with basic talk from there. However, I would frequently freeze after the opener and not be able to come up with anything on my feet, or be too passive and wait for the girl to say something before I continued. The London Daygame Model helped my approaches immensely because I could follow up my opener with a stack. Once I stacked on either her ethnicity, her clothes, or an assumption about her job, it was a lot easier to get the girl to say something about my stack, which would then make it easier to continue the conversation. The Model is also helpful for beginners, as it isn’t overly complicated, but it does give you a guide to follow so you aren’t trying to improvise and think on your feet too much while still dealing with a lot of approach anxiety.
Body language, voice tonality and eye contact will make or break you
Many guys are obsessed with pickup lines. They worry about the perfect thing to say to the woman they like. I know because there were times in my life where I believed saying the right thing would increase my success with women. Well, you know what? Sure, a clever line here and there could help you make a better connection with a woman you have opened. However, if you are the type of guy to worry about what to say to a woman and needs a step by step guide, then your words are irrelevant. Why is that, you ask? Because if you are worried about your words, your body language is probably not up to par. You probably avoid strong eye contact as to not appear “creepy”. You most likely talk way too fast and that gives away how nervous you are. Humans as species evolved to be more honest with their non-verbals than with their verbals, and women are much better at reading body language than men are. So instead of worrying about what to say, instead focus on how to say it. Fixing your body language, voice tonality and eye contact won’t happen overnight, and it is worth it to focus on them one by one so you can make consistent progress. Take it from me: working on those three non-verbals has made a huge difference in my game and the responses I get.
Women love being approached in a confident way
If you haven’t spent the last few years in a cave, you are probably aware that Western society is trying its best to label a man doing what evolution intended – talking to strange women he finds attractive – “creepy”. The infamous Gilette commercial has a guy saying “Not cool, bro!” as his buddy is about to talk to a beautiful woman walking down the street. There are even guys on Internet forums who have tried doing cold approaches, and for whatever reason find it creepy. You wanna know what my experience has been? The exact opposite. Out of 200 approaches, only one woman has used the word “creepy”, and she was right – looking back on it, I was still relatively new to cold approaching and made a few mistakes during the approach. I told her mistakes were made and moved on. The positive reactions, however, are orders of magnitude more. I have had girls thank me for approaching them many times, even if they weren’t interested. I had a girl who sad she has a boyfriend but found me sexy, and she sat there debating whether to give me her phone number. I have had girls light up and carry the conversation for a bit. I have had girls who said they were married, but said that was the best thing that ever happened to them that day. Here is my advice: get enough approaches so your confidence in your skills goes up, and your interactions with women during cold approaches will get much better, even with the women who are not interested in you. And for the love of God, if you think what you are doing is creepy, then you are probably making it creepy. Approach with confidence and enjoy what a difference it makes!
Cold approaching helps in other areas of your life
Most guys talk to strange women for one reason: they find her attractive and wanna fuck her. That is perfectly normal and has happened to our species for centuries. But I have also noticed something ever since I started doing daygame consistently: once you put yourself out there and play the seduction game, it has many side benefits. Big presentation in front of people at work? It doesn’t scare you as much as it used to once you have approached a woman who didn’t even know you exist, given her a compliment, talked to her for a few minutes, then had her give you her number. As I say, once you have talked to enough women and tried to sell them your dick, selling yourself in front of coworkers suddenly becomes much easier. Talking to strangers at random is also easier. Your conversation skills are constantly getting better, because you need them to get better in order to have more success at cold approaching. You have cool, random and weird stories to tell your friends – some of the rejections I have gotten are pretty hilarious. Once you realize you can go up to a girl you find attractive and make something happen despite your approach anxiety, you realize you can do anything you set your mind to. And that feels liberating and gives you confidence!
It’s a numbers game – to an extent
The beautiful thing about cold approaching is that it’s up to you to make things happen. Generally speaking, the more women you approach, the better your chances are of finding the women that are a good fit for you. That is why you often hear that it’s a numbers game. I agree to an extent – the more women you approach, the better you get at approaching, which leads to more success in the long run. However, there is a small caveat I like to point out – if a total cold approaching newbie and a famous pickup artist (let’s pick Roy Walker for our example) are about to approach the same girl, who do you think would have a better chance? It goes without saying that Roy would have better odds at banging her, so the better you get at approaching the higher your percentage is. But even for Roy and PUAs who are as successful or more successful as him, it’s still a numbers game (he keeps a spreadsheet detailing his approach number, how many contacts he has gotten, dates, lays, etc. – I admire the dedication!) No matter who you are, you have to play the numbers game, you just get better at it as you improve.
Rejection is better than regret
When I first started approaching, I let many women I found cute walk by me into the ether forever because of my approach anxiety. I could have gotten to 100 approaches so much quicker if I had opened every cute girl I saw. Even on days when I approached super cute women, I still went home wondering what would have happened if I opened the hotties I didn’t talk to. That made me realize something: I spent much more mental energy on the women I didn’t approach than on the women I did approach and rejected me. Once you get rejected, your mind is at ease because you know you went for it. When you don’t approach, however, your mind will keep wondering what would have happened if you did. And that is much worse than taking that ego hit and getting rejected. Over the last 50 approaches or so, I got to the point where I approached pretty much every hot girl I saw, and that felt much better and did tons for my self-confidence. Never reject yourself, fellas – that is the girl’s job!
There is no silver bullet
It is possible that some guys can start cold approaching, do it a handful of times, and get into a LTR with a girl they enjoy being around. However, just like witg anything else, game takes time and dedication to get good. Overcoming approach anxiety takes time. Learning how to stack on your direct opener takes time. Calibrating to the girl’s reaction takes time. Learning when and how to kino takes time. Learning to have interesting conversation with girls so they don’t ghost you once they give your their number takes time. Feeling comfortable escalating takes time. One by one, all of those pieces will fall into place eventually given you are dedicated to approaching and learning from your mistakes. However, there is no silver bullet – you have to do the work, accept where you are at the moment and work hard to get ti where you want to be. For me, I want to get to a point where I have the confidence that I am able to open any girl I find attractive anywhere – bar, club, store, beach, train, wherever – and know that my game is solid enough to make something happen if she has any attraction at all towards me. Here’s my final tip: focus on overcoming your sticking points, be persistent and patient, and you will see results that most guys only dream of!
It is never too late to be what you might have been.
As someone who was born in Europe before moving to America, meeting people while I was out and about only seemed natural to me. Meeting a girl on the street, at the beach or while grabbing coffee happened often enough as I was growing up, since the city I was born in was (and still is) very walkable like most European cities, and in the summer there were plenty of beautiful women out and about, making it easy to eye a few up and start a conversation while I was out with my friends. I also grew up with a close family member who would do pickup naturally – he would strike up conversations with sexy girls anywhere he would go, and I would see some of these women when he would bring them home. Some of them were absolutely gorgeous, so I always had the background of intuitively understanding the effectiveness of pickup and how it works.
Moving to America
When I moved to America, I noticed something interesting once I learned enough English – girls were a lot more interested in me because of my accent! This made it somewhat easier to meet girls as they were curious about me, so I did well enough with women when I was in college to not really think about it too much, it just happened that I would talk to enough girls and enough were interested in me because I was different. Having said that, I was well aware of the common problem – American women on average are fatter than their European counterparts, which made the competition for the truly beautiful women in America much more fierce than what I had seen in Europe. I had to put in more effort to get lesser quality women. Sounds awesome, right?
Still, I was doing good enough on online dating apps like Tinder, OkCupid and Bumble to be satisfied once I graduated and moved to the Midwest for my career. I was making good money, working out and had enough active hobbies to enjoy myself while getting into a LTR with a good girl (or what I thought was a good girl at the time). Once that was over, I was still able to do well enough to go on dates and have sex with women I found attractive. However, there was one problem – I still wasn’t that good at taking action in person when I saw a woman I found attractive. If it was a date from online – I did fine. But making the first move on a woman who I didn’t know? Living in America for a while meant I had completely forgotten what my family member did so well and I was actually anxious about it to the point where I just wouldn’t do it and completely rely on online dating and my social circle for sex.
Here’s an example of what I mean: I was driving home after visiting family one day. It was late and I stopped by Chipotle to grab some food. As I was grabbing some napking and a fork, I looked over at a table of two girls. One of the was sitting in my direction, and she smiled once we held eye contact. I smiled back and then she said something to her friend, and her friend turned around and smiled at me too. Both of them were attractive. Now I would love to tell you that I went over there confidently since it was obvious at least one of them liked me. But you know what I did? I grabbed my napkins and fork and walked out. And yes, I did look back towards them once I got into my car. The girl was still looking at me. As I laid in bed that night, I thought about it, kicking myself for not taking action. I had come to rely too much on online dating, but I was still getting enough dates that way. For now.
The Tipping Point
As you probably know if you have spent any time on online dating apps at all over the last few years, it has gotten worse and worse every year. I witnessed myself getting fewer and fewer matches, which of course leads to fewer and fewer dates, which leads to fewer notches in the long-term. Now here’s the kicker: I had undoubtedly improved my appearance, and as online dating is largely based on physical attraction, I felt like I should be doing just as well, if not better than I was doing a few years ago. Instead, I would be on a date with a girl that looked like her pictures, except 10 lbs heavier, while the guy next to me in the bar was on a date with a girl I couldn’t help checking out. “How do I get her?” is what my mind wondered. After a few frustrating experiences like that and fewer and fewer matches (and a ton of flakes – I felt like the match rate dropped AND the flake rate went up), I finally went to Google and typed something like “How do I get better at Tinder” (I can’t remember honestly, so it could have been something completely different, but it is in the same line of thought). That is how I discovered the Roosh V forum. As those of you who are familiar with the forum might know, it looks completely different now than it did when I first found it.
A Period of Learning
I did find some tips on how to improve my Tinder game on the forum, but I also stumbled upon users talking about daygame, among other things. I was curious so I spent time reading the threads, and my mind immediately went back to my close relative, who you could say did PUA and daygame by extension before those were even a thing in Europe. So in my mind, I knew that stuff worked. I wasn’t one of those guys who discovers PUA and thinks to himself “Is this creepy? Would this work?” I already knew that you could pickup hot women by starting conversations with them during the day. Now the only thing left for me was to build up the confidence to start doing it myself in a systematic way.
After some research, I decided I would start off by reading Day Bang and Bang by Roosh. I thought both books, but especially Day Bang, were a great source of information, and it actually got me excited to go out and test everything out in the field. I told myself I would finish the book and start approaching, hyping myself up in the process and looking forward to the day that would happen. On a related note, I discovered TRP shortly after I started reading Day Bang, and that also lead to a great change in personal growth for me. Again, I knew from what I had experience in life that most of the content there was true. I guess growing up in Europe, men grow up to be more redpill than the average American guy. I was pleased to see I was doing many of the things TPR preaches, such as lifting (that was a passion of mine at that time, and still is), eating right, focusing on your mission, etc. I also focused more on my style and changing up my haircut at the time, which improved my SMV and I was getting more IoI’s than before.
However, there was one problem – I was still too much inside my head when it came to approaching new women. I was doing OK with online game after uploading some new pictures, and once I got a girl to go out with me on a date I did very well more often that not. But going up to random hot girls during the day and starting to talk to them out of the blue? My heart was still beating too fast, and I chickened out way more times than I would like to admit. I was never a big fan of nightgame, as I don’t enjoy bars and clubs regularly – I would only go when there was a special occasion with friends. At this time in my life, I was reading Day Bang and TRP, and somehow convinced myself to do more reading and keep focusing on online dating until I was “ready” for daygame. That sounds really stupid to me as I am writing it now, but back then it made perfect sense. I guess when your heart starts beating fast at the sight of a sexy strange woman, your brain will find an excuse to delay talking to her.
I had finished Day Bang and Bang, but kept reading new content on TRP. I had even made some of the changes suggested, and I could see them make a difference in my life. I was focused on my career, working out and hobbies, as well as catching up with friends. However, I still wasn’t taking action on the approaching front: on TRP, there were a few debates on direct vs. indirect openers, and the game Roosh was suggesting seemed to not be too popular on TRP for cold approaches. I was also reading a lot about SMV and became obsessed with improving my SMV before I started approaching. This was another mistake I made, but at the time it seemed like the right thing – get super swole first and then approach, it will avoid rejection!
One day, as I was consuming a few more TRP posts, a user posted a link to the 100 approaches article by Good Looking Loser. Once I read that, I had an amazing sense of clarity – I knew what he said made sense, and that even if my game would be horrible, since it’s a numbers game I would have some success. “Doing something is better than doing nothing, right?” is what I thought to myself. Around the same time, I also read some comments by Redpilldad on TRP, who encouraged guys to do cold approach, talked about how he had much more success doing it rather than relying on online dating, and the women were hotter. This struck a chord with me – I was doing OK again on dating apps, but the quality of the women wasn’t too high, especially compared to the women I see when I am back visiting my home country in Europe. I knew I could do better, and Redpilldad’s comments on TRP definitely helped push me towards starting to do cold approaches consistently. Some articles that Avery Hayden wrote on TRP also had a great effect on getting me in the correct mindset, and his YouTube videos are usually on the money – I continue to learn a lot from them each time he posts a new one.
At that point, I had made up my mind: I am starting cold approaching the beginning of next month, and I will do 100 approaches in a month as suggested by Chris on his Good Looking Loser website: walk up to a girl, tell her she’s cute, chat with her for a couple of minutes if she doesn’t walk away, and ask for her number. Seemed easy enough to get me motivated and finally get my brain to stop making excuses and take action. I had a few days to the first of the month I had set as my starting approach date, so I read some more content on 100 approaches, such as Ciaran Callam’s 100 approaches in 50 days. I also thought about what would be a good starting place, and deduced that a mall or a grocery store would be best, as the Midwest city I live in doesn’t have too much traffic on the street downtown.
Spoiler alert: I didn’t get 100 approaches as I wanted in that first month. In fact, I only did 35. But I did finish the 100 approaches eventually, and I learned a lot from it. At the time of writing this post, I have done around 200 daygame approaches, with some success and a lot of improvement of my game. That’s why I started this blog: to talk about my daygame journey and how I continue to evolve as a player. If this blog helps even one guy get over his approach anxiety and start approaching attractive women consistently, it would make me happy. To see what I learned from my first 200 approaches, click here. I will also post field reports from the approaches with specific details, some of the situations I encountered were interesting, awkward and hilarious. I am also continuing to approach as I am evolving this blog, so there will be a lot of new content coming soon – stay tuned!