Field Report: A New Venue And Lessons Learned

“Would you like me to give you a formula for success? It’s quite simple, really: Double your rate of failure. You are thinking of failure as the enemy of success. But it isn’t at all. You can be discouraged by failure or you can learn from it, so go ahead and make mistakes. Make all you can. Because remember that’s where you will find success.”

Thomas J. Watson

The New Venue

At this point in my daygame journey, I was struggling to find more venues where the concentration of cute girls was high enough to give me enough targets to approach. Downtown usually doesn’t have high foot traffic areas, so I had gamed mostly at malls and stores. I was excited to try out a big grocery store in a hip part of town. The demographics were good – lots of 20-somethings lived in the area, it had 3(!!) gyms close by, and a college campus too. I love working out, and I love a cute girl with a nice ass in yoga pants. I had to check it out! As it turns out, I loved it there, and it is maybe my favorite place to game in my area (I was there last Sunday and did 8 approaches). But let’s get back to the first time I was there – and the lesson I learned.

The Nice Brunette Who Wasn’t

As this was a new venue I was unfamiliar with and considering I had 72 daygame approaches at this stage of my journey, I was a bit nervous and had a lot of approach anxiety. However, there were a lot of targets, and I was excited to see that this specific grocery store seemed to be a landmine! That helped with my AA a bit, and I saw a brunette in a dress. She looked super nice, so I felt confident that approaching her as my first set of the day would be great and she will love it! I walk up to her, direct opener – she looked at me weird and just said “I am on my way out!” and walked away. There went my initial impression of her being nice, but I took it well – it actually made me chuckle and this quick rejection inspired me to take more action.

Gaining Momentum… and the blonde with the RBF

I did a couple of more sets almost right away, this place was full of cute girls! A blonde smiled at my approach and thanked me, but walked away. A brunette at the wine aisle was staring intently at the wines there, so I went indirect. She didn’t realize that I was hitting on her and walked away, only to come back a second later. I made sure she knew I was hitting on her this time, but she said she drinks the wine with her boyfriend. (Note to self: direct approaches are more masculine and superior!)

And then, there she was – a blonde with a resting bitch face in yoga pants with an amazing ass. My mind tried to make excuses – “She looks mean, she won’t like you approaching her, she seems like a bitch, etc.” I almost chickened out of approaching her, but then she turned around and I saw her piece of art ass again. I had to do it, no matter what! I chased her and opened direct – her RBF immediately turned into a smile! Sarah was very chatty, I guess the fact that she had a resting bitch face scares guys away and she doesn’t get approached too often, but she loved it and was genuinely curious about me. She asked me a lot of questions and the vibe was good, so I naturally went for the number to have a drink. At that point, she said she has a boyfriend, but would have loved to if she didn’t. I believed her – her body language and voice tonality was honest. I wished Sarah a good day and moved on, she enjoyed being approached!

The European Lover

At this point, I felt good and had momentum – I had done four approaches, the last one turned out well, and it seemed like this grocery store was packed with sexy women – what’s not to love? As I was walking towards the wine aisle, I noticed a cute blonde. I opened direct strongly with lots of intent and confidence. Right away, she asked me about my accent and said “I have been to thirteen countries in Europe!” I teased her a bit and then we figured out she hasn’t been to my country. Just as we were vibing and I had a good feeling about this one, her friend shows up and Lauren told me that’s her friend. I acted confidently and introduced myself to her friend, and then they said they had to go! Fuck – if only I could have had a few more minutes with her, at this point we had only talked for about a minute but it was clear she was into European men. I trusted my sixth sense and went for the number, she said “Maybe…” I then pushed a bit playfully and she gave me her number. She did end up texting me back and we had a date setup. So there’s another lesson too: if a girl is into you, it doesn’t matter if the set ends up being too short. I think she only said “Maybe” to my number close because her friend was there, she didn’t want to seem too easy.

Summary

So there you have it guys – if you think a girl looks nice and approachable, she might not be. Even if she gives you an IOI, she might not like you approaching her. And just because a girl seems bitchy doesn’t mean she won’t melt when you approach her like a man with intent. Some girls will also just be into you and even if the set is short for external reasons, she will still want to meet up because you are her type. The way I see it, every approach is Schrodinger’s approach – the girl could either love it or hate it. It is up to you to find out! Let’s look at the data so far:

  • Approaches: 78
  • Numbers: 10

Field Report: The Nurse and the Latina

“If you are not willing to risk the usual, you will have to settle for the ordinary.”

Jim Rohn

The Nurse

I was recovering from an illness and hadn’t approached in about a week. I was pumped from a great gym session when I went to the grocery store to pick up some things. As I was navigating my way through the aisles, a blonde caught my eye and we held eye contact for a second, then she smiled. An IOI, it was on! I had to go after her and found her in the snacks aisle. “Excuse me, I saw you from over there and thought you look nice” I said. She smiled right away and immediately asked for my name. It was on even more! She had hooked right away and was easy to talk to. Ellen was a blonde nurse who was shopping for a party she was throwing next night. I made sure to tease her about it, and we talked about food, travel, and life in general for a few minutes. She asked my name again as I was getting her number, and she put in both her first and last name in my phone when I handed it to her. The rush to approach after a week or so was amazing, and the set was perfect, I was happy!

The Latina… and her phone

The next day, I was at Target after work when my eyes noticed the amazing ass of a Latina almost as soon as I walked in. My feet had a mind of their own and started to walk towards her, she looked so good, I had to approach! I finally caught up to her in a grocery aisle as she had her phone in her hand. I didn’t think much of it and delivered my opener… and she smiled, but pretty much right as I finished, I heard someone start to speak Spanish on her speakerphone. She had just called her mom and she picked up right as I approached, what were the chances? She started talking to her mom and I stood there for a few seconds, then walked away. I thought I had bad luck as I walked away, but thinking about it maybe she wasn’t too interested in me, otherwise she would have found a way to keep talking to me. I did feel like I had a chance if she didn’t get on the phone, but that’s the game – sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. It felt great to be attracted to a girl on a primal level and know you have to approach though!

Married Chicks

I went to a department store after the gym one night and saw a smoking hot fit brunette. I figured I had to approach and did it, she smiled after the opener and said she was married right away, showing me her ring. I was nervous as I walked towards her to approach but I was glad I made it happen, quick rejection is key in growing as a player!

Almost right away after that, I saw an Asian looking chick in yoga pants, she looked good too so I opened her direct as well. She was married too! She was Kazakh and loved chatting, I had to let her go when I sensed she was using it to boost her self-esteem and as validation, she wasn’t interested in anything more. It’s funny how women can stand there and talk to you for hours if you don’t have the balls to show your intent, they love the attention. You have to be the man and go after what you want, otherwise plenty of women will happily waste your precious time.

Summary

I was slowly but surely getting better. I still had a lot of approach anxiety at this point of my journey, but now I made it happen with the really hot women and went after what I wanted, no matter how nervous I was. There were actually times when I weaseled on approaching an OK chick, only to see a hot one a minute later and open her almost immediately. I was happy to see my response to the hot ones, but wanted a bit more consistency and self-confidence when it came to opening other attractive women, as I knew that would make me a better player. Let’s look at the data so far:

  • Approaches: 72
  • Numbers: 9

Field Report: My First Fake Number

“Don’t let the fear of losing be greater than the excitement of winning.”

Robert Kiyosaki

Bookstore Approach

I was at a bookstore walking around trying to find both a book and a cute girl to approach. I saw a girl who had a bunch of magazines sitting on a bench. She made eye contact as I was walking by and I opened indirectly, asking her if she works there since she had all the magazines. Heather said she was trying to find a good one, and I engaged her asking for a recommendation. Talk shortly shifted towards Europe and travel, and she told me she was an Air Force child , 30 yrs old but she looked younger than that. She told me about her love of Game of Thrones, and it was only natural that I asked for her number since I felt like it was a good set. She asked for mine, and I smiled and said let me just take yours. She gave it to me and I didn’t think much of it at that point, I was happy to have a good set and get some digits.

I ended up texting her the day after, stacking on some of the things we talked about during our chat. I got a reply shortly after, and I thought that was encouraging… until I saw what the response is – “This isn’t Heather, you must have the wrong number” Ouch! My first fake number. For some reason I thought it was hilarious! Why didn’t she just say she didn’t want to give me her number? I would have totally been okay with that. However, I am happy to say that this hasn’t happened since then: gotten a lot of flakes after getting a number, but no fake numbers since this happened.

The young-looking cougar

I was shopping at the grocery store across from the gym one night when I saw a blonde that looked like she was in a good shape. I had to take a closer look. I walked towards her and she turned around, she looked good so I had to go approach her. She loved my direct approach and immediately hooked, asked for my name right away and was very flirty. She told me she was in her late 30’s, which surprised me, she looked way younger. The set was around 10 minutes, and I thought I had it in the bag for sure, but when I asked for a number she said she was kinda seeing someone. I felt like she was interested so I kept talking to her and she shit tested me – “I could be your mother!” I didn’t do too well responding to that, I felt like if I had a bit more experience I could have gotten her number. She was definitely interested but probably seeing someone, and I needed tight game to get her to give me her number. I didn’t have tight game at that point, but it was great to have such a long set with lots of flirting and touching. I remember her saying “You look like you don’t have trouble finding someone!” and looked at my arms, that felt great.

Mall Assistant

I was at the local mall and walked inside a store when I saw a blonde working there with a nice ass in weird looking pants. As I was wondering how to open she engaged me and asked if I need help. I told her I am looking for a gift for my mom, then we talked for a bit. She told me she does underwear and couldn’t help me too much there, so I joked that I am looking for a new bra since my chest is getting bigger after working out so much. She laughed and we then started talking about the gym, and just as I felt like it was going somewhere her older coworker came back. I kept talking to her and engaged her coworker a bit, but she wasn’t going anywhere. I felt like I had to go for broke – I asked for her number. She said she has a boyfriend, and I was on my way. I thought it was a good set and if her coworker wasn’t there I might have gotten her number. That’s the way it goes sometimes!

Summary

At this point, I was almost two thirds done with my first 100 approaches. There were a lot of new experiences for me – this time it ended up being a fake number. I felt like my game was getting better, as I was having longer sets and getting better responses. Every approach felt like a challenge at first because of approach anxiety, but once I was in set and it started going well I was more confident. Sets after the gym were especially good, as the testosterone was kicking in and overriding anything else. Here are the numbers:

  • Approaches: 65
  • Numbers: 8

Field Report: My First Big Fiasco

“Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.”

Winston Churchill

“I am married and you’re being…”

I was walking around Walmart while waiting for the tires on my car to be changed (for those of you that have ever done that at a Walmart, you know it takes forever) – but I didn’t seem to mind – I could do a few cold approaches while there! My first approach was a super cute slim blonde who was very receptive at first, but quickly transitioned into telling me she just got out of a relationship yesterday. The emotion in her voice made it clear – she wasn’t making any of this up, she almost broke into tears right there while talking to me. I tried to keep it light hearted while giving her a few words of encouragement, then moved on. I did a couple of other sets later with not much success, and then it happened.

I saw a chick with yoga pants, and for some reason my mind decided to deviate from my standard direct opener and tried improvising. As she was coming towards me, I said “I like your… yoga pants!” No, I am not kidding. She said “Thanks” awkwardly and walked by, and I was thinking to myself “Did you really just say that?” I was kicking myself for that, and thought if only I could get a second chance I could do a lot better. So guess what I did when I saw her around later? That’s right, went straight to her, approached from the back(!) and at that point, she said “I am married and you’re being creepy!” That stung for a second, but then I realized that you know what? She was right. So I made myself a promise: never approach again – if it doesn’t work out the first time, keep moving and find new prospects. In the words of Biggie Smalls – “I don’t chase ’em, I replace ’em!”

Rebounding

A few minutes later, I saw a blonde who was eyeing me up as I walked towards her, so I had to open. She loved the attention but told me right away she was there with someone, still kept talking to me for a bit though. As I walked away from her, I felt like that was a good way to rebound, and I was surprised at how little the previous approach affected my emotional state. I knew what I did wrong and I was determined to get past it.

A couple of days later, I was at the local grocery store when I saw a cute slim brunette. I opened direct and she immediately hooked by asking for my name, my stack about her working out was correct and the conversation flowed from there. She had just moved to the area from down South, and was super talkative, asked a lot of questions about me. The number close was easy and natural, as I walked away from that set I was on a high about how much my game was starting to improve!

Summary

If you learn nothing else from this field report, remember this: focus all your energy on making the first time you approach a girl good, and if you don’t or she walks away, don’t approach her again. It’s her loss – focus on approaching the other three billion women you haven’t approached yet. Having said that, I have approached around 200 women since that happened, and it has never happened again. As long as you are socially aware, things like that shouldn’t happen too often, so don’t worry about it too much. Beginners tend to sweat things like this a lot and worry about them, but it’s simply not worth it – it is much more common to make a girl’s day when doing daygame cold approaches.

At this point of my daygame journey, I was a bit over halfway done with my first 100 approaches. My number to approach ratio was exactly 1:8 as you can see below.

  • Approaches: 56
  • Numbers: 7

Field Report: Three Numbers in Four Sets

“I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have.”

Thomas Jefferson

Gym Chick at Target

I was shopping at Target on Sunday, had been there in a while and didn’t see any good sets. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a girl walking, and then I looked at her. I realized I had seen her at the gym the day before, but she wasn’t a regular. I had to go over and talk to her – I am not one to approach at the gym since I go a lot, but seeing someone in a store I thought was fair game. I approached and said I knew her from somewhere, she didn’t seem know, but once I said the gym maybe she remembered me, which was a good sign. Chat was pretty good with good jokes and spikes, and she said “Why not?” when I asked for her number so we can go for a drink. I felt like it wasn’t my best game, but good enough to get her number, and we ended up going on a few dates actually. I had another approach shortly after while I was still on a high, and that went nowhere.

Post-gym success

A couple days later, I was at the grocery store after a good session at the gym. I had a quick chat with one of my neighbors who I saw there, and right after I did that I saw a cute black chick standing by the toothpaste. I opened indirectly this time about toothpaste, and I realized she was on the phone through her headphones when I opened. You know what she did? She said “Hey mom I will call you right back” and talked to me! I was thinking to myself this is great, she is totally into you. Teasing and conversation flew naturally, she was asking me a decent amount of question and investing a lot, even asked me where I live. Number close was easy, and I walked away thinking “Damn, she hung up on her mom to talk to me, this is crazy!”

Shortly after that, I saw a cute slim blonde girl. I made a comment about her tattoo and she said thanks, then we started a conversation. She was very dreamy and said her tattoo represents space, which was a bit weird and I teased her for it. She was one of those girls who asked for my number when I asked for a drink, but my frame was strong enough to get her number after that. Convo wasn’t too strong so I thought she would flake, but she actually did text back for a bit, she was super flaky though and anytime I tried to get her out she would have an excuse. I moved on to other girls, don’t have time to waste!

Summary

Below are the stats at this stage of the 100 approach challenge. If you remember my last field report, you know that I had gotten only 3 numbers from my first 42 approaches. Well, here I got 3 in 4. Daygame is super random – those 4 sets weren’t really my best, but sometimes a girl is into you and will give you her number even if you mess up a few things as long as your intent is there. So if you’re going through a tough time, keep approaching and that will change!

  • Approaches: 46
  • Numbers: 6

Field Report: I’d Rather Not Chick… And A Lot More!

It is failure that guides evolution; perfection provides no incentive for improvement, and nothing is perfect.

Colson Whitehead

“I’d rather not!”

I was at shopping at Target after work one day, and as I was on my way out I saw a cute chick in the cosmetics section. I had to turn around and go talk to her, so I opened her direct – “Excuse me, I thought you look nice so I had to come say hi!” She looked at me, said “I’d rather not!” in a pained tone, and turned her back on me. Alright, alright, alright! It felt rough as I was walking away at that moment, but I have since learned that quick rejections like that are actually great once you kill your ego – if you think about it, it shows you right away that she is not interested in you, so you don’t waste your time. Quick rejections let you move on from incompatible girls, and you have more time to find the girls that are interested in you. Learn to embrace and love rejection!

The saleswomen who stared at me

I did a couple of sets where I thought I would experiment and go indirect, and both went pretty bad – I didn’t show enough intent so the conversations were too friendly. I moved back into my direct openers and had better conversations and success, and then I was walking out of a store at the mall after talking to a girl. The girls at a jewelry store were noticed by my peripheral vision – I turned to the side and noticed all three were staring at me and waved at me when I turned around! I walked a couple of steps and realized I have to go back and say hi to them in the store. The older one of the three hit on me right away, and then they asked where I was from – I made sure to make each of them guess and tease them when they guessed wrong. One of the girls left with a smile, so I assumed that she was taken. Then the older chick asked me what I am doing tomorrow and said “She’s free”, pointed to her coworker and left! I was taken back a bit, but I was able to control myself and talk a bit to Kayla, found out she was 23 and of Latina origin. Getting the number here was effortless, as she was typing it in my phone the other two started to come back, but noticed we were still chatting, smiled and waited for me to leave so they go back to Kayla. I was shocked as I walked out of the store – did this really happen? I was pleased I had the balls to walk into the store when I noticed they were into me, before doing daygame I doubt I would have had the confidence to do that.

The girl with her mom, and the girl with a boyfriend

On another day, I was at a department store after work, wearing one of my favorite dress shirts. A cute girl walked by me and smiled, I returned the smile – I had to turn around and chat her up! I noticed her walking to her mom, but I had to approach since she looked even better from the back, so I took a deep breath and walked over there, made sure to acknowledge her mom too, and told the girl she looks nice. The mom smiled at that, and the girl actually turned red and was at a loss of words! I talked for a bit and then found out the girl is 17, which made me excuse myself and tell them to have a good day. The mom seemed super cool, while I knew her daughter was into me – she could barely say a few words when I was around, and if she wasn’t so young I would have tried to get her number. I noticed her looking back at me when they were leaving the store – what a shy girl!

Almost right after that happened, I was at my grocery store stocking up on a few things I would need for a new recipe I was trying out. As I was walking around, I noticed a girl with blue eyes make eye contact, so I had to go towards her. She disappeared down an aisle but when I saw her again, she looked back at me again so I thought I needed to approach. She returned the compliment as soon as I went direct – first time that’s happened to me! She immediately said she has a boyfriend, but kept talking to me and flirting. I took that as a good sign and asked for her number, and I kid you not she stood there sighing and wondering for a good few seconds – I found it amusing and had a smirk on my face. At the end she was able to resist herself, but it was obvious she was into me.

Summary

Below are the stats at this stage of the 100 approach challenge. As you can see, I had to talk to 14 girls to get 1 number at this stage of the game. I was getting interest and eye contact from a lot of girls and I felt like I had to have more numbers based on that, especially since I had a couple of girls basically give me their numbers. Quite a few good interactions didn’t end in number closes due to the girl having a boyfriend/husband, so I felt like I was doing better than the numbers were showing. It took me 42 approaches to get 3 numbers. And as you will see in my next field report, I was about to get the next 3 numbers a lot quicker!

  • Approaches: 42
  • Numbers: 3

Field Report: Some Two Sets and a Kazakh

Seeing much, suffering much, and studying much, are the three pillars of learning.

Benjamin Disraeli

Showing Balls To Approach a Hottie

I was at my local grocery store when I saw what was probably the sexiest girl since I started approaching. She was blonde, great body with curves in all the right places. Surprisingly, I went up to her right away and delivered my direct opener – “Excuse me, I thought you look amazing so I had to come say hi!” She asked me how I was, and that is where I started to show my nervousness – I didn’t deliver my answer with much intent or confidence. Shortly after, she said she was in a hurry, and I let her go without asking for a number – going through some of these earlier field reports, I can definitely see where I have improved. I could have made this set a lot better by playfully vibing, stacking and having better body language. Still, approaching such a hot girl so directly felt good! Remember to always assume attraction and make observations!

Some Two Sets

Up to this point, I had only approached girls who were by themselves – my approach anxiety made it hard to even approach those, let alone approach a group of two. However, as I was walking into the mall, I felt in a good mood and told myself to approach two sets if I saw any that looked good. I saw an Asian girl inside a store with her mother, and as I was walking by she looked at me. I went for it and approached her right there – she seemed shocked! I didn’t do a good enough job of engaging with her mother as well, so she stood on the side as I talked to the girl – rookie mistake, but all of us have to go through those. She smiled when I asked her for a drink, but said she was engaged. As I walked away, the mother said something that I couldn’t quite hear – probably how weird I was or how big my balls were, maybe a mix of both!

Shortly after, I saw two girls too late as they passed by me – one of them was smoking hot with a tattoo on her arm. I had to approach her! I turned around and was able to catch up to them inside a store – I walked towards them nervously and delivered my direct opener to the girl with the tat while her friend was right there next to her. Both of them smiled, then my target said thanks… and walked away! At the time, this felt tough, but I know rejections like this have done a lot to thicken my skin and make me better at approaching – getting rejected in a harsher way is better for you in the long-term.

A familiar face, and a salesgirl

If you have read my field report about the first day I ever approached, you probably remember the Latina who was my first ever daygame cold approach. Well, I ran into her on this trip to the mall as well. I had thought about it after the initial approach, and felt that she might have been into me – I should have went for the number! So when I saw her again working, I had to go talk to her again, and she remembered me. We had a quick chat and I showed intent this time – I was definitely getting more comfortable talking to random chicks and escalating! She made an excuse about how she works all the time, and I followed up with saying that I am sure she can find some time if she wanted to. She didn’t seem too interested in me, so I walked away and felt good – I didn’t let her bullshit me too much when I saw she wasn’t too into me.

As I was walking out of the mall, I saw a cute little salesgirl that smiled at me when I was walking in, and she pointed me towards the men’s department. I remembered thinking that she might have been interested in me by the way she kept eye contact when we chatted on that initial interaction, so I decided to chat her up and see where it goes -I had no luck up to this point, so I figured it was worth a shot. After a brief chat and discussing her tattoos, the chat moved towards my accent, and when she learned that I was new-ish to the area she offered to take me out and show me around! My sixth sense was right, she was into me – she did mention her boyfriend as she was writing down her number on a piece of paper for me, so that was a first experience for me. The chat continued about places she had lived in the US and how different they were compared to the Midwest, and then I was on my way. Not a bad way to finish off a day approaching!

A Kazakh girl

I was in my local grocery store again after a hard session at the gym – I saw a cute girl looking at sushi and immediately approached, almost no approach anxiety this time, I was so happy! Tatiana was super happy I approached, she was surprised but very friendly. She was 23 and asked a lot of questions about me early on, she seemed surprised when she learned I was European as well – the set was going super well… until she mentioned she was married when I asked for her number. Even though I didn’t get her number, she liked it and waved at me as I saw her walk by me later on while I was shopping, so this approach helped me get my confidence up a lot, and made me realize that some girls love being chatted up in a confident way.

Summary

Below are the stats at this stage of the 100 approach challenge. As you can see, even though it felt like I was improving with each set I did and my approach anxiety was less and less, I still was doing a lot of things wrong, and didn’t make too many connections – my sets were also pretty short, and I was having trouble following up on the direct opener. The numbers definitely showed that I was having a rough time, I am not a quitter though!

  • Approaches: 25
  • Numbers: 2

Field Report: Two Sisters and My First Number

He who would learn to fly one day must first learn to stand and walk and run and climb and dance; one cannot fly into flying.

Friedrich Nietzsche

Opening Two Sisters

After my horrible approach anxiety during my first day approaching (you can read about it here), I didn’t know exactly what to expect. The next day, I went to another mall in the area and walked around, it seemed dead. However, with the corner of my eye I saw a girl with a nice ass walk into a store, and I walked in without much hesitation. I looked around and saw the girl I had noticed, she was with another girl who didn’t look as good as her. As I looked at her, I saw she did check me out a couple of times as well. My approach anxiety was there, but it wasn’t as high as the day before. It still took me a bit of time to approach, and I went with an indirect opener on the two of them, improvising a bit. I mentioned that I need help choosing a shirt for a friend’s birthday as I stared way too hard at the shirts in that store. Both of them engaged right away and gave me some suggestions, and after a couple of minutes of this I took the conversation into more personal topics. The hot one with the nice ass said she leaving to go back to California tomorrow, and was just visiting her sister… Fuck! At that point, I looked at her sister and realized she looked decent, but nowhere near as hot. I asked the sister for a drink, and at that point she informed me she was underage. Double fuck! As I was departing, both of them told me to have a good day, and the hotter one did smile at me, I was sure she liked me. Knowing what I know now, I could have handled that better, but walking away from that set at that point felt like a huge win for me – I had approached two girls and talked with them for a bit, definitely helped with my approach anxiety!

The First Number

I did approach a thicker girl who seemed to have a nice ass at the bookstore, only for her to tell me “No, thank you!” when I asked her for a drink. Before the approach, in my mind I was doing her a favor by approaching, given that she was a bit thicker than I usually like them. Game is fun, isn’t it? I also had a fun experience after the gym at a store when my pre-workout combined with my high testosterone from the gym and my approach anxiety made me super nervous and awkward when I approached a blonde with a country accent, she was married so the set didn’t last long, but I felt like my heart was about to explode.

And then, it happened – I got my first number from daygame. I approached an Asian chick at the grocery store, she smiled at my direct opener and we chatted for a bit. When I asked for her number she made an interesting face and said “Sure”. Of course, she proceeded to ghost me, and as I gain more experience I am not surprised – it was a pretty weak set without much going on, and I didn’t do a good job of making her interested. At the time though, the high felt amazing – I had proven to myself I could approach and get numbers!

Summary

I did do a few more approaches, but none that really stand out. I had a girl at the bookstore tell me she had a boyfriend right as I opened, then continue to ask me questions about my accent. The approach anxiety made it so that I wasn’t the one driving the conversation, so the whole set ended up being weird. I also tried approaching a girl who worked at the mall in a booth, she didn’t seem interested in chatting with me, only in selling me cologne.

Here are the stats at this stage of the 100 approach challenge:

  • Approaches: 15
  • Numbers: 1

Field Report: My First Day Approaching

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

Lao Tzu

The Expectations

The time had finally come: after much reading and preparation, I had finally decided to do the 100 approach challenge as I talk about here. I decided the best place to approach in my area was the mall, and at the time I had decided to follow Roosh’s advice of only opening girls who are by themselves. I was a bit nervous before I got to the mall, but I reminded myself that I am in great shape, I had just gotten promoted at work, and I had a pretty high n-count for my age for a guy who hasn’t done cold approach seriously. All of that led me to believe that I could easily walk in the mall, do 10-15-20 approaches, get a few numbers, and head home happy. Boy, was I in for a rude awakening.

The Reality

I walked into the mall, and immediately felt overwhelmed. There were a lot of people there, and I could suddenly hear noises I had never heard inside any mall before. My approach anxiety made it so that I was aware of everything that was going on both inside my head and around the mall, which as you can probably tell wasn’t fun at all. After a bit, I saw a girl walking towards me – she was cute. “There is your first approach!” – my brain told me. However, my brain also overwhelmed me with many other feelings, and I just looked at the girl nervously as she passed me by, not really aware of what had just happened. As she walked by, I realized that I had missed my chance, and that made me even more nervous. Then the fun continued – I started to ask myself why despite previous successes with women, I was feeling so scared of just talking to them. I continued walking – I saw a cute brunette sitting at a table. Perfect opportunity to open – weaseled out of it the same way I did before. Fuck!

I continued to walk around nervously, being way too much inside my head. I saw a girl who was working right outside a store, she looked Latina. She was handing people flyers as they walked by, and she made eye contact with me. I held it and then continued walking around. She was cute. “Approach” was the message from my brain. I didn’t do it right away. I stepped inside a store and the girl was telling me she likes my shoes. She offered some politeness my way, told me about the sale they had, and told me to let her know if I have any questions. I was starting to calm down a little and my nerves weren’t as bad as they were when I had started walking around, but I still needed to catch my breath and thoughts. I went to the restroom and hyped myself up a bit, then went straight out by the Latina handing out flyers, stopped and opened my mouth.

I wanted to start approaching directly, but I didn’t do that with her. I said something about what she was doing. She made small talk and we chatted for a second, she told me she had just gotten to America two weeks ago. She did check out my body as we were talking, which gave me a sudden boost of confidence! My eye contact was definitely not strong, and I stumbled my words. After a bit, she told me she can’t talk much because her boss is right there, and sure enough I saw a guy to the right of me. Being so nervous, I just said OK and walked away without asking for a number. After that first approach, I felt better for a bit, but then as I walking around, I kept letting girls walk by me while making excuses – “looks busy”, “walking too quick”, “wouldn’t be interested”. My mind was literally making any excuse to not talk to cute women.

After a while, I checked the time and realized I had been at the mall for two hours. Two hours – one approach… I felt so disappointed in myself. Then I decided I would man up and approach next girl I see directly, no matter what. And sure enough, a few minutes later I saw a dark skinned girl in yoga pants walk towards me. I took a deep breath and said “Excuse me!” She turned and looked towards me, and I delivered my very first direct opener! I told her I was looking to meet new people shortly after the opener, and she said “I am not too friendly, you should find someone else”. Great! I was able to talk to her for a bit more after that surprisingly – she was from India and was going to school. My body language and eye contact got weaker the more we talked, and after a couple of minutes she said she has to go meet her friend. Did I ask for her number? Definitely not, my brain took a while to process her leaving and by the time I thought of it, she had walked away. I felt a bit proud that I had done my first direct stop, but I knew I had a long way to go. Cold approaching felt like the hardest thing I had to do in ages! Later, as I was walking by a store, I saw the same Indian girl checking out inside. By herself. Nice! At that point, I decided to leave. I had been there for a few hours, but approach anxiety made me feel so many emotions at once I felt like I had been there for days. I was mentally exhausted.

Summary

So there you have it. My first day trying daygame cold approaches – I went out hyped up to do 15-20 approaches, and I did… 2. No matter all the challenges, I felt glad I had started approaching once I got home. I felt alive during my time at the mall, I felt emotions jumbled up inside me that I hadn’t felt in a while. Despite my weak start, I was determined to try again the next day and do more approaches. So if you are in the same position I was during my first day and are overwhelmed with approach anxiety, remember: just keep approaching and it will get better. In closing, I would like to mention that I wanted to detail my first day approaching with as much detail as possible so readers can get the feel of it, despite only doing two approaches. Future field reports I post will be more focused on the approaches themselves, and I won’t go over every approach I did, only the ones that are noteworthy.

10 things I learned from my first 200 daygame cold approaches

Progress is not an illusion; it happens, but it is slow and invariably disappointing.

— George Orwell

Over the last few months, I have been going out and doing daygame approaches. Here are the ten things I learned from my first 200 cold approaches:

  1. Direct approaches work the best
    • As I talked about in my About Me page, the first book I read when I got serious about cold approaching was Roosh’s Day Bang. In the book, Roosh recommends an indirect approach where you open with a question (he recommends different questions based on the environment), and then start chatting from there. When I started my 100 approach challenge, I decided to do direct openers in order to help with approach anxiety. What I discovered was that direct approaches were much more effective when I was able to handle my approach anxiety better and be more confident when opening. Whenever I would open indirect I would have trouble making a man to woman connection, and often times the girl would excuse herself and leave before I could get a chance to make a direct statement of interest. In fact, I found direct openers so effective that they are pretty much the only opener I use now that I have more confidence in my cold approaching skills. I also discovered the London Daygame Model after doing around 100 or so direct approaches, and have used it to refine my direct cold approaching method. If you haven’t approached direct, give it a shot – you will love how effective it is!
  2. You can approach women anywhere
    • When I first started doing cold approach, I picked a couple of spots that Roosh mentioned in Day Bang such as the mall and grocery store and tried approaching there. However, most of the guys that run the London Daygame Model approach exclusively on the street. There is one problem for me with that approach: there just isn’t a street here that gets enough foot traffic for me to have enough targets. When I lived in Europe (and when I go back to visit family now), there are plenty of spots downtown that are great for cold approaching. But here in America? Unless you live in a city like NYC/Chicago/LA, you will have to find other venues to approach. Don’t get me wrong – I have done street approaches when I go to popular spots downtown and still do it from time to time. However, I have found out that you can approach women pretty much anywhere during the day – the mall, grocery stores, department stores, the bookstore, you name it. Some of the spots I have found most successful for me are malls, outdoor malls, grocery stores (goldmine), and department stores. And if you live on a college campus, take advantage of it and approach all the hotties you see walking around!
  3. Daygame cold approaching is hard
    • Most guys meet women through their social circle. They also don’t hit on strange women unless they are at a bar or a club and have already had a few drinks with their buddies. At that point, everyone thinks they are a pickup artist and can seduce any women they want. But approach hot girls consistently while sober during the daytime, whenever they see a girl they like? Most guys have never or almost never done it. And you know what? After doing 200 daygame approaches, I know why. My first cold approaches were awkward. I had approach anxiety, I was nervous, my heart was beating fast, and my emotions were overwhelming me, making it harder to focus on actually making the approach fun and engaging for both of us. It took me a while to even decide to approach when I first started out, and I missed talking to so many girls just because of my approach anxiety. But it does get better with time. Daygame is super hard at first and that is why men either don’t try it, or try it and struggle so much that they quit almost right away. Here’s the reward of daygame if you stick with it, though – once you have done enough sets, you will be able to walk up to a woman anytime, anywhere and meet her confidently. Without needing a friend to introduce you, without needing alcohol, without needing anything except yourself. That’s pretty powerful!
  4. London Daygame Model works
    • After I had done about 100 approaches or so, I found out about the London Daygame Model. As I mentioned in my About Me page, I started off my approaches by following GoodLookingLoser’s guide to just walk up to girls, say they are cute and go with basic talk from there. However, I would frequently freeze after the opener and not be able to come up with anything on my feet, or be too passive and wait for the girl to say something before I continued. The London Daygame Model helped my approaches immensely because I could follow up my opener with a stack. Once I stacked on either her ethnicity, her clothes, or an assumption about her job, it was a lot easier to get the girl to say something about my stack, which would then make it easier to continue the conversation. The Model is also helpful for beginners, as it isn’t overly complicated, but it does give you a guide to follow so you aren’t trying to improvise and think on your feet too much while still dealing with a lot of approach anxiety.
  5. Body language, voice tonality and eye contact will make or break you
    • Many guys are obsessed with pickup lines. They worry about the perfect thing to say to the woman they like. I know because there were times in my life where I believed saying the right thing would increase my success with women. Well, you know what? Sure, a clever line here and there could help you make a better connection with a woman you have opened. However, if you are the type of guy to worry about what to say to a woman and needs a step by step guide, then your words are irrelevant. Why is that, you ask? Because if you are worried about your words, your body language is probably not up to par. You probably avoid strong eye contact as to not appear “creepy”. You most likely talk way too fast and that gives away how nervous you are. Humans as species evolved to be more honest with their non-verbals than with their verbals, and women are much better at reading body language than men are. So instead of worrying about what to say, instead focus on how to say it. Fixing your body language, voice tonality and eye contact won’t happen overnight, and it is worth it to focus on them one by one so you can make consistent progress. Take it from me: working on those three non-verbals has made a huge difference in my game and the responses I get.
  6. Women love being approached in a confident way
    • If you haven’t spent the last few years in a cave, you are probably aware that Western society is trying its best to label a man doing what evolution intended – talking to strange women he finds attractive – “creepy”. The infamous Gilette commercial has a guy saying “Not cool, bro!” as his buddy is about to talk to a beautiful woman walking down the street. There are even guys on Internet forums who have tried doing cold approaches, and for whatever reason find it creepy. You wanna know what my experience has been? The exact opposite. Out of 200 approaches, only one woman has used the word “creepy”, and she was right – looking back on it, I was still relatively new to cold approaching and made a few mistakes during the approach. I told her mistakes were made and moved on. The positive reactions, however, are orders of magnitude more. I have had girls thank me for approaching them many times, even if they weren’t interested. I had a girl who sad she has a boyfriend but found me sexy, and she sat there debating whether to give me her phone number. I have had girls light up and carry the conversation for a bit. I have had girls who said they were married, but said that was the best thing that ever happened to them that day. Here is my advice: get enough approaches so your confidence in your skills goes up, and your interactions with women during cold approaches will get much better, even with the women who are not interested in you. And for the love of God, if you think what you are doing is creepy, then you are probably making it creepy. Approach with confidence and enjoy what a difference it makes!
  7. Cold approaching helps in other areas of your life
    • Most guys talk to strange women for one reason: they find her attractive and wanna fuck her. That is perfectly normal and has happened to our species for centuries. But I have also noticed something ever since I started doing daygame consistently: once you put yourself out there and play the seduction game, it has many side benefits. Big presentation in front of people at work? It doesn’t scare you as much as it used to once you have approached a woman who didn’t even know you exist, given her a compliment, talked to her for a few minutes, then had her give you her number. As I say, once you have talked to enough women and tried to sell them your dick, selling yourself in front of coworkers suddenly becomes much easier. Talking to strangers at random is also easier. Your conversation skills are constantly getting better, because you need them to get better in order to have more success at cold approaching. You have cool, random and weird stories to tell your friends – some of the rejections I have gotten are pretty hilarious. Once you realize you can go up to a girl you find attractive and make something happen despite your approach anxiety, you realize you can do anything you set your mind to. And that feels liberating and gives you confidence!
  8. It’s a numbers game – to an extent
    • The beautiful thing about cold approaching is that it’s up to you to make things happen. Generally speaking, the more women you approach, the better your chances are of finding the women that are a good fit for you. That is why you often hear that it’s a numbers game. I agree to an extent – the more women you approach, the better you get at approaching, which leads to more success in the long run. However, there is a small caveat I like to point out – if a total cold approaching newbie and a famous pickup artist (let’s pick Roy Walker for our example) are about to approach the same girl, who do you think would have a better chance? It goes without saying that Roy would have better odds at banging her, so the better you get at approaching the higher your percentage is. But even for Roy and PUAs who are as successful or more successful as him, it’s still a numbers game (he keeps a spreadsheet detailing his approach number, how many contacts he has gotten, dates, lays, etc. – I admire the dedication!) No matter who you are, you have to play the numbers game, you just get better at it as you improve.
  9. Rejection is better than regret
    • When I first started approaching, I let many women I found cute walk by me into the ether forever because of my approach anxiety. I could have gotten to 100 approaches so much quicker if I had opened every cute girl I saw. Even on days when I approached super cute women, I still went home wondering what would have happened if I opened the hotties I didn’t talk to. That made me realize something: I spent much more mental energy on the women I didn’t approach than on the women I did approach and rejected me. Once you get rejected, your mind is at ease because you know you went for it. When you don’t approach, however, your mind will keep wondering what would have happened if you did. And that is much worse than taking that ego hit and getting rejected. Over the last 50 approaches or so, I got to the point where I approached pretty much every hot girl I saw, and that felt much better and did tons for my self-confidence. Never reject yourself, fellas – that is the girl’s job!
  10. There is no silver bullet
    • It is possible that some guys can start cold approaching, do it a handful of times, and get into a LTR with a girl they enjoy being around. However, just like witg anything else, game takes time and dedication to get good. Overcoming approach anxiety takes time. Learning how to stack on your direct opener takes time. Calibrating to the girl’s reaction takes time. Learning when and how to kino takes time. Learning to have interesting conversation with girls so they don’t ghost you once they give your their number takes time. Feeling comfortable escalating takes time. One by one, all of those pieces will fall into place eventually given you are dedicated to approaching and learning from your mistakes. However, there is no silver bullet – you have to do the work, accept where you are at the moment and work hard to get ti where you want to be. For me, I want to get to a point where I have the confidence that I am able to open any girl I find attractive anywhere – bar, club, store, beach, train, wherever – and know that my game is solid enough to make something happen if she has any attraction at all towards me. Here’s my final tip: focus on overcoming your sticking points, be persistent and patient, and you will see results that most guys only dream of!