“In order to succeed, we must first believe that we can.”Nikos Kazantzakis
I have been quite busy lately, and haven’t written a post on here in a couple of months. With work, working out, approaching, and hanging out with friends, there was a lot going on. But now with everything shutting down due to Corona, I have a bit more time to write. I was hanging out with a friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in a while. He is a model, and we were catching up about our lives, sharing stories that had happened to both of us. He told me about getting on Tinder as he had moved to a new city, and I was naturally curious so I asked him to share his experience. In many ways, I expected what I was about to hear, but it was also eye opening. I thought it was amusing that he was almost as amazed at my daygame stories as I was with some of his Tinder stories, but we will get to that soon. I have also started using Tinder over the last week due to almost everything shutting down around here, so I will share some of my experience as well towards the end of the article.
Tinder as a Male Model
To give you some context, my friend had done some modeling for a couple of years in both Europe and the US. He recently moved to a new city for work after getting out of a long-term relationship, so he had gone on Tinder and was on there for a few months. He told me he got over 100 matches in the first day he was on there, and often had girls messaging him first. I was wondering how some of those girls compared to the average girl I had daygamed, so I asked to take a look at some of his messages with his matches. It was quite interesting: there were very cute girls messaging him first, and he barely had to do much in order to get them to meet up with him. His game is basically a good looking guy game: he knows women want him, and he uses that to his advantage. Nothing fancy. There were girls basically making sexual comments about his pictures, playing along if he made sexual comments, offering him Snap/number right away, etc. Even though he was getting so many matches and with some really cute girls, he told me that some girls would still flake when it was time to meet up. Despite that, he showed me a few of the girls he had hooked up with while I was looking through his Tinder: depending on your taste, there were definitely some girls who could be considered 7’s and 8’s, maybe even 9’s.
Tinder in Detail
I shared that with him to get his thoughts: how online dating is conceived as not having top quality girls. What he then told me actually surprised me: he said that a lot of girls he works/has worked with have been on Tinder, but stay on there for a very short amount of time. Most of them are in LTRs and when they get on there, they are just overwhelmed with the attention. He told me of one of model friends who shared that she had 1000s of matches in just a day or two, and had to deactivate her account. I asked if she had hooked up with anyone from there, and while he said he was uncertain, she did tell him she had a couple of dates.
I thought about this after we had met up, and it makes sense: I think it’s a myth that really pretty girls don’t get on Tinder/Bumble. Nowadays it’s so ubiquitous that almost every girl has tried it at least once. However, the super pretty girls get so much attention so fast that they don’t stay for long. If you couple that with Tinder’s algorithm, then unless you are creme de la creme guy, you won’t even get shown to those girls. In fact, even if you are one of the top guys on Tinder, you might not get shown to them unless you pay. But there are 8s and 9s that get on Tinder and have sex on there: it’s just super hard to catch them with Tinder’s algorithm working against guys.
What I noticed about his profile
As a model, of course all his pictures were taken professionally, and it made a huge difference: whenever I had used Tinder, I have always used pictures taken with my phone. Even though most phones have good cameras nowadays, professional model photos will always blow those out of the water. As always, it’s online dating, so being good looking is paramount: my friend told me there was a week where he had a date every week with girls who were so happy that he went out with them that they were practically throwing themselves at him. His bio wasn’t anything special or eye catching, just mentioning he was a model. It seems like that was good enough for him. I did ask him if he felt like matches slowed down after a few days, and he did mention that was his experience as well: it was noticeable, but he was still getting enough matches with high quality girls.
I also saw some examples of pretty bad game: he was making small talk with girls at times, but the girls were hooking and asking him questions, at times even hinting at meeting up. He told me sometimes he would see a girl and feel like she wouldn’t be up for meeting a stranger so fast and assumed she would like to get to know a guy before going out for drinks. I knew he had always met his girls through modeling or social circle so I asked him how it felt to be online: he told me it felt unnatural and weird, like the girls only wanted him for his good looks and sometimes he would go on a date with a girl and end up being disappointed at how shallow she was and how little value she had to offer. He told me he hoped to find a girl he was interested in sooner, and that all of the girls hitting him up on Tinder was actually kind of tiring for him. I had known him for a while so that didn’t surprise me: he was actually a pretty introverted guy in his teens, and modelling changed him a bit but he is still a bit quieter and enjoys a small circle of friends.
As much as I was amazed by his success on Tinder (and how uncomfortable he seemed with it, almost as if he didn’t really care for it), he was equally as amazed with my daygame stories. I had just had my first instadate the week before we went for drinks to catch up (I still need to write a blog post about that story, coming soon!), and he was shocked that I had meet a girl at the mall, started talking to her, and a couple of minutes later we went for drinks together. I smiled and told him I wish I could have his success on Tinder. He told me he wishes he could go up to girls randomly and get them on dates right away. I told him for someone like him, that should be fairly easy to do. Both of us laughed and enjoyed the night together eventually talking about many other topics and catching up like old friends do when they haven’t seen each other. Since this was a couple of months ago, I am sure I have forgotten a couple of things that I noticed at the time, but the above is what I remember about going through his Tinder.
My Recent Experience on Tinder
As I mentioned in the beginning, I got back online reluctantly due to the recent pandemic and everything shutting down. I am nowhere near as good-looking as my model friend, and my pictures are all taken with my phone. However, I decided to post a couple of body pics on Tinder to see what would happen. While I am not getting too many matches, almost all of the girls I match with respond to my first message, and I have been experimenting with being sexual right off the bat. All the girls so far that seemed interested would flake when it came time to meet up: I am not sure if this is due to Corona, or if it would happen otherwise as well. Maybe a little bit of both. I also noticed that I still hate online dating: too much power is in the hands of the girls. I like being the hunter: seeing a girl I like and going up to her, being able to use body language, eye contact, and vocal tone to seduce her. Getting real-time feedback on my skills rather than hiding behind a screen.
How to setup a good Tinder profile
If you are thinking of getting online because day/night game is dead in most places nowadays, here are some suggestions based on everything I have noticed:
- Take professional photos if possible. I was blown away how good the quality of my friend’s photos were compared to the ones I am using right now. It’s online dating, it makes a huge difference, and if you want the best results then taking your photos with a camera is necessary
- Be good-looking. It’s online dating, so this is expected. However, I have photos in exotic places which were taken with my phone that girls love, and comment on all the time. If you are not super good-looking, then being adventurous and well-traveled in your pics is also a chick magnet.
- Don’t expect too much. I can’t stress this enough. Most guys get depressed when they swipe because most of the girls they find attractive don’t swipe on them. I used to notice that happening to me as well, and I had to consciously change my attitude to make sure it doesn’t effect me mentally. Online is for practicing your text game and fast pulls. If a girl doesn’t wanna meet up after a few messages, she is only after your attention and validation. Move on to something better
- Disable your notifications and don’t get addicted to the dopamine hit of messages/matches. Your time is valuable and you are a man in demand: don’t waste too much time swiping
- At the end of the day, online dating should be used as a supplement to meeting girls in real life, and not as a crutch. I know times seem tough right now due to the pandemic, but use dating apps to try out your pictures/messages and see what response you get from girls. Remember: girls have all the power on Tinder, and unless you pay, most girls don’t even see your profile due to how many guys there are on dating apps. You are a commodity
- The light at the end of the tunnel: doing online dating now makes me miss daygame that much more. I still go out a couple times a week and see if there is any sets at the grocery store while I shop during the pandemic, but there have been zero cute girls last week. I am excited to get back into talking to girls in person and starting to create a real connection with real women, rather than hide behind a screen with pictures and a bio.
- Use online dating to amuse yourself: try new lines, funny and sexual openers, etc. Push for a meeting ASAP so you don’t spend too much validating princesses who were never gonna meet with anyone from online anyway
- To sum up, online doesn’t give you the ability to work on yourself: to practice eye contact, body language, tone of voice, kino. Daygame and nightgame both give you that, and will get you much more comfortable with fast escalation than doing it thru your phone. So my verdict on online dating is: if you have professional pictures and are getting lots of matches and can get a few dates a week, keep doing it. If you are doing it because there are no other options right now, then do it and see what results you get. However, I do believe that as soon as the pandemic is over, most men will learn more and become better by doing daygame or nightgame. For 95% of guys, online dating will give miniscule returns. Especially in the USA!