10 things I learned from my first 200 daygame cold approaches

Progress is not an illusion; it happens, but it is slow and invariably disappointing.

— George Orwell

Over the last few months, I have been going out and doing daygame approaches. Here are the ten things I learned from my first 200 cold approaches:

  1. Direct approaches work the best
    • As I talked about in my About Me page, the first book I read when I got serious about cold approaching was Roosh’s Day Bang. In the book, Roosh recommends an indirect approach where you open with a question (he recommends different questions based on the environment), and then start chatting from there. When I started my 100 approach challenge, I decided to do direct openers in order to help with approach anxiety. What I discovered was that direct approaches were much more effective when I was able to handle my approach anxiety better and be more confident when opening. Whenever I would open indirect I would have trouble making a man to woman connection, and often times the girl would excuse herself and leave before I could get a chance to make a direct statement of interest. In fact, I found direct openers so effective that they are pretty much the only opener I use now that I have more confidence in my cold approaching skills. I also discovered the London Daygame Model after doing around 100 or so direct approaches, and have used it to refine my direct cold approaching method. If you haven’t approached direct, give it a shot – you will love how effective it is!
  2. You can approach women anywhere
    • When I first started doing cold approach, I picked a couple of spots that Roosh mentioned in Day Bang such as the mall and grocery store and tried approaching there. However, most of the guys that run the London Daygame Model approach exclusively on the street. There is one problem for me with that approach: there just isn’t a street here that gets enough foot traffic for me to have enough targets. When I lived in Europe (and when I go back to visit family now), there are plenty of spots downtown that are great for cold approaching. But here in America? Unless you live in a city like NYC/Chicago/LA, you will have to find other venues to approach. Don’t get me wrong – I have done street approaches when I go to popular spots downtown and still do it from time to time. However, I have found out that you can approach women pretty much anywhere during the day – the mall, grocery stores, department stores, the bookstore, you name it. Some of the spots I have found most successful for me are malls, outdoor malls, grocery stores (goldmine), and department stores. And if you live on a college campus, take advantage of it and approach all the hotties you see walking around!
  3. Daygame cold approaching is hard
    • Most guys meet women through their social circle. They also don’t hit on strange women unless they are at a bar or a club and have already had a few drinks with their buddies. At that point, everyone thinks they are a pickup artist and can seduce any women they want. But approach hot girls consistently while sober during the daytime, whenever they see a girl they like? Most guys have never or almost never done it. And you know what? After doing 200 daygame approaches, I know why. My first cold approaches were awkward. I had approach anxiety, I was nervous, my heart was beating fast, and my emotions were overwhelming me, making it harder to focus on actually making the approach fun and engaging for both of us. It took me a while to even decide to approach when I first started out, and I missed talking to so many girls just because of my approach anxiety. But it does get better with time. Daygame is super hard at first and that is why men either don’t try it, or try it and struggle so much that they quit almost right away. Here’s the reward of daygame if you stick with it, though – once you have done enough sets, you will be able to walk up to a woman anytime, anywhere and meet her confidently. Without needing a friend to introduce you, without needing alcohol, without needing anything except yourself. That’s pretty powerful!
  4. London Daygame Model works
    • After I had done about 100 approaches or so, I found out about the London Daygame Model. As I mentioned in my About Me page, I started off my approaches by following GoodLookingLoser’s guide to just walk up to girls, say they are cute and go with basic talk from there. However, I would frequently freeze after the opener and not be able to come up with anything on my feet, or be too passive and wait for the girl to say something before I continued. The London Daygame Model helped my approaches immensely because I could follow up my opener with a stack. Once I stacked on either her ethnicity, her clothes, or an assumption about her job, it was a lot easier to get the girl to say something about my stack, which would then make it easier to continue the conversation. The Model is also helpful for beginners, as it isn’t overly complicated, but it does give you a guide to follow so you aren’t trying to improvise and think on your feet too much while still dealing with a lot of approach anxiety.
  5. Body language, voice tonality and eye contact will make or break you
    • Many guys are obsessed with pickup lines. They worry about the perfect thing to say to the woman they like. I know because there were times in my life where I believed saying the right thing would increase my success with women. Well, you know what? Sure, a clever line here and there could help you make a better connection with a woman you have opened. However, if you are the type of guy to worry about what to say to a woman and needs a step by step guide, then your words are irrelevant. Why is that, you ask? Because if you are worried about your words, your body language is probably not up to par. You probably avoid strong eye contact as to not appear “creepy”. You most likely talk way too fast and that gives away how nervous you are. Humans as species evolved to be more honest with their non-verbals than with their verbals, and women are much better at reading body language than men are. So instead of worrying about what to say, instead focus on how to say it. Fixing your body language, voice tonality and eye contact won’t happen overnight, and it is worth it to focus on them one by one so you can make consistent progress. Take it from me: working on those three non-verbals has made a huge difference in my game and the responses I get.
  6. Women love being approached in a confident way
    • If you haven’t spent the last few years in a cave, you are probably aware that Western society is trying its best to label a man doing what evolution intended – talking to strange women he finds attractive – “creepy”. The infamous Gilette commercial has a guy saying “Not cool, bro!” as his buddy is about to talk to a beautiful woman walking down the street. There are even guys on Internet forums who have tried doing cold approaches, and for whatever reason find it creepy. You wanna know what my experience has been? The exact opposite. Out of 200 approaches, only one woman has used the word “creepy”, and she was right – looking back on it, I was still relatively new to cold approaching and made a few mistakes during the approach. I told her mistakes were made and moved on. The positive reactions, however, are orders of magnitude more. I have had girls thank me for approaching them many times, even if they weren’t interested. I had a girl who sad she has a boyfriend but found me sexy, and she sat there debating whether to give me her phone number. I have had girls light up and carry the conversation for a bit. I have had girls who said they were married, but said that was the best thing that ever happened to them that day. Here is my advice: get enough approaches so your confidence in your skills goes up, and your interactions with women during cold approaches will get much better, even with the women who are not interested in you. And for the love of God, if you think what you are doing is creepy, then you are probably making it creepy. Approach with confidence and enjoy what a difference it makes!
  7. Cold approaching helps in other areas of your life
    • Most guys talk to strange women for one reason: they find her attractive and wanna fuck her. That is perfectly normal and has happened to our species for centuries. But I have also noticed something ever since I started doing daygame consistently: once you put yourself out there and play the seduction game, it has many side benefits. Big presentation in front of people at work? It doesn’t scare you as much as it used to once you have approached a woman who didn’t even know you exist, given her a compliment, talked to her for a few minutes, then had her give you her number. As I say, once you have talked to enough women and tried to sell them your dick, selling yourself in front of coworkers suddenly becomes much easier. Talking to strangers at random is also easier. Your conversation skills are constantly getting better, because you need them to get better in order to have more success at cold approaching. You have cool, random and weird stories to tell your friends – some of the rejections I have gotten are pretty hilarious. Once you realize you can go up to a girl you find attractive and make something happen despite your approach anxiety, you realize you can do anything you set your mind to. And that feels liberating and gives you confidence!
  8. It’s a numbers game – to an extent
    • The beautiful thing about cold approaching is that it’s up to you to make things happen. Generally speaking, the more women you approach, the better your chances are of finding the women that are a good fit for you. That is why you often hear that it’s a numbers game. I agree to an extent – the more women you approach, the better you get at approaching, which leads to more success in the long run. However, there is a small caveat I like to point out – if a total cold approaching newbie and a famous pickup artist (let’s pick Roy Walker for our example) are about to approach the same girl, who do you think would have a better chance? It goes without saying that Roy would have better odds at banging her, so the better you get at approaching the higher your percentage is. But even for Roy and PUAs who are as successful or more successful as him, it’s still a numbers game (he keeps a spreadsheet detailing his approach number, how many contacts he has gotten, dates, lays, etc. – I admire the dedication!) No matter who you are, you have to play the numbers game, you just get better at it as you improve.
  9. Rejection is better than regret
    • When I first started approaching, I let many women I found cute walk by me into the ether forever because of my approach anxiety. I could have gotten to 100 approaches so much quicker if I had opened every cute girl I saw. Even on days when I approached super cute women, I still went home wondering what would have happened if I opened the hotties I didn’t talk to. That made me realize something: I spent much more mental energy on the women I didn’t approach than on the women I did approach and rejected me. Once you get rejected, your mind is at ease because you know you went for it. When you don’t approach, however, your mind will keep wondering what would have happened if you did. And that is much worse than taking that ego hit and getting rejected. Over the last 50 approaches or so, I got to the point where I approached pretty much every hot girl I saw, and that felt much better and did tons for my self-confidence. Never reject yourself, fellas – that is the girl’s job!
  10. There is no silver bullet
    • It is possible that some guys can start cold approaching, do it a handful of times, and get into a LTR with a girl they enjoy being around. However, just like witg anything else, game takes time and dedication to get good. Overcoming approach anxiety takes time. Learning how to stack on your direct opener takes time. Calibrating to the girl’s reaction takes time. Learning when and how to kino takes time. Learning to have interesting conversation with girls so they don’t ghost you once they give your their number takes time. Feeling comfortable escalating takes time. One by one, all of those pieces will fall into place eventually given you are dedicated to approaching and learning from your mistakes. However, there is no silver bullet – you have to do the work, accept where you are at the moment and work hard to get ti where you want to be. For me, I want to get to a point where I have the confidence that I am able to open any girl I find attractive anywhere – bar, club, store, beach, train, wherever – and know that my game is solid enough to make something happen if she has any attraction at all towards me. Here’s my final tip: focus on overcoming your sticking points, be persistent and patient, and you will see results that most guys only dream of!

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